11th August 2017

creative writing

Related image

 

Year 2057, The year we all got round up in the vault when the world entered a tragic nuclear war. Now 89 years later only the bravest have dared to adventure outside into the harsh world that lays beyond the big vault door. Now my turn I decided I don’t want to die no one knowing who I am. I want to be known as one of the brave ones whom ventured outside the vault into the harsh world. As I stand on the platform I think that maybe this is a mistake. But as the vault door opens I know I have no choice but to walk out and never return. I walk out and the blinding sun which I haven’t seen in years burns my eyes. All I can see is death and destruction of what used to be my home which us human’s horrible destroyed in war. With feeling the dried rotten plants crunching under my foot. All I know is that I have to find shelter, food and water. After walking around for a good two hours in this once alive world I see a shelter! I must be imagining this I think to myself, I decide to move closer. ” hello, Anyone there” I say. ” Who’s there” they ask aggressively. ”  Liam” I say.” Do you have a last name Liam” they say”. “yeah Bransky” I say. “Ok then Liam i’m Tuk”. says tuk.” do you have any spare room” I say. “yeah, but only if you help us hunt, now” says tuk. ” yes anything” I say ” ok then liam here is a gun go don’t come back until you have meat” tuk says.”ok, then” I say. I start walking and after a while I hear a noise from something, it kind of sounds like a screaming baby. I creep over to the sound and then see some sort of demented wolf just laying there, I silently grab my gun, aim and fire! I hit it, excitement fizzes through my body. I run through the dense grass over to my kill, I pick it up by its soft furry legs and start carrying it back.I return and throw the wolf on the table ” there” I say.” where did you get that, you need to get rid of that now!” says tuk.”what, why” I say.”because all its friends will be here very soon” tuk says”.” ok I’m going now” I say. I start running as far away from camp as possible with this thing when I run into its friends tuk was talking about. They smell like moldy bread dipped in death soup. So I just drop the wolf and run into a huge dead forest. Snap I trip over a log and can see blood pouring out of my leg, I try to crawl away but then I feel something put its big sharp teeth in my leg,Then his friends arrive.this is the end I think to myself. Some how a miracle happened and I am in some sort of cabin. A man who looks like and smells like he hasn’t showered in years walks in, He doesn’t says a word but then when I try to move I realize and am chained down to the table. The guy comes back in with a needle and starts taking my blood, Still not saying a single word. He just walks away and I think now is my time to escape so here I go. Some how I am able to wiggle myself loose. So I just jump and run out the door of the old rotting cabin, after what felt like a lifetime of running I make it to a cliff and just stare over the world thinking of my life back in the vault and how good it was, Then when I turn around there his is and he still isn’t speaking just holding a needle with something in it”. I have to make a choice to get tortured or jump. I decided to jump and just close my eyes and wait for the end.

Join the conversation! 5 Comments

  1. You have great use of adjectives and noun phrases like ‘huge dead forest’, and ‘moldy bread dipped in death soup’, however, I can’t see or identify any Fronted Preposition and Relative Clauses in your story. There are adverbials like ‘ask aggressively’, but there are only some present.

    A piece of advice that might help is that you should use punctuation marks. You use commas instead of using periods in writing a new sentence. One example would be, ‘I run through the dense grass over to my kill, I pick it up by its soft furry legs and start carrying it back.’ In that, you have two sentences. Unless you put a conjunction in between like “and”, it can be deemed correct. Another example is when you wrote, ‘Snap i trip over a log and can see blood pouring out of my leg, I try to crawl away but i’m then I feel something put its big sharp teeth in my leg,Then his friends arrive.this is the end I think to myself.’

    Reply
  2. Another would be if you are including dialogues, you should put it in new paragraphs as the talker changes to not confuse your readers whether who is talking. I can see the different senses like ‘A man who looks like and smells like he hasn’t showered in years walks in’. Overall, the story is good.

    Reply
  3. Fronted Preposition:
    ————————-
    Noun Phrase:
    The blinding sun
    Like moldy bread
    ————————-
    Adverbial:
    Ask aggressively
    ————————-
    Relative Clause:
    ???????

    Reply
  4. No relative clauses.
    All I know is that I have to find shelter-Adverbial
    The guy comes back in with a needle and starts taking my blood-noun phrase
    Their is no fronted prepersition.

    Good descriptive writing but could use fronted prepersition and relative clauses to improve writing.

    Reply
  5. Good piece of writing, good use of adjectives and noun phrases.However I couldnt see any Relative clauses or fronted prepersitions.

    Reply

Respond now!

Category

Homework, Writing